


An Insufferable Clump of Wires and Sparks

by Rulerofthefakeempire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Universe, F/M, Human shaped!Jarvis, M/M, Protective Steve, Protective Tony Stark, Romance, just protective ness all round really, unheard of pairing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:04:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2392703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rulerofthefakeempire/pseuds/Rulerofthefakeempire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A body was not what he intended to get out of his day, but now he is one of the most valuable people in the whole wide world and it sucks. Another man, another person thrown into a whole new world took him in. He was forced into new frightening sensations all the while being in a war zone. The truth is people kind of suck.<br/>Except of course, all the people that don't count.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You bastard! Let me in, you insufferable clump of wires and sparks!” while Jarvis had no idea how that was possibly meant to be an insult of any sort he still didn’t make any move to let the man in. Loki stamped his foot like a toddler in the middle of a temper tantrum, his face turned up to the rim of the door where he supposed a person with no physical form ought to be.   
“There is no need to mention my programming sir. Though I still don’t believe it would be best to let you in. I apologise for any inconvenience”   
“Bastard” Loki muttered to himself, crossing his arms and scowling as he tried to think of something to say. As far as he could see his motives were completely innocent, he hadn't even brought any weapons and that was saying something. He truly did dislike the man of iron’s voice in the celling. It was disconcerting to know that he was always being watched whenever he came for a visit. He almost wondered how the machine could keep up. “I’m here to see my brother, isn't that a good enough reason to come in?” He hissed angrily. He could practically hear Jarvis blinking innocently. He was surprisingly manipulative, for an AI. Like father, like son, he supposed.   
“I am sorry sir, but Thor Odinson is currently absent from the tower” Loki narrowed his eyes and ran his tongue along his teeth, trying to keep his temper perfectly in check, the last time he had lost it he had started an intergalactic war and there was no need to relive that episode.   
“Well, where is he?” Loki retorted. For a thousand year old being he sure did act like he was five going on six.   
“I’m afraid I can divulge that information sir” Jarvis replied calmly. He hadn’t yet called security on Loki, mostly because he figured that lots of heavily armed men probably wouldn't of ended well with a mentally unstable god, god knows it hadn't last time. He had instead told Mr Stark that he had a visiter on the penthouse balcony. Hopefully he got the message.  
“Well, why not?” Loki asked haughtily. This damn machine. He was on the verge of a spell, a fleeting and probably catastrophic decision. He hoped that Jarvis had a good reason or else he was going to blow something up.   
“Its just that I fear for his safety sir” It was at this point when Loki well and truly lost his mind, in the most dramatic sense you can think of.   
Despite all odds Stark wasn't blind, an idiot maybe, but not necessarily blind, which was exactly why he ran towards the penthouse door when it started emitting a strange green light. It wasn't even a particularly pleasant green light, it was murky and strange and smelt like peanut butter. He didn’t see anything that smelt like peanut butter being a good thing. Usually when the penthouse smelt like peanut butter he had been doing something drunk and stupid the night before.   
“Jarv, whats wrong? Who’s the visitor?” Jarvis didn’t respond immediately like he usually would, he didn’t respond at all. Stark panicked a little, running quickly. He though open the door feeling a little too much like he was in some sort of over dramatic sitcom where everyone dies. He opened the door only a few seconds before the spell reached its climax. When it did everything went white and not a nice type of white either. It was the horrid type of white. The type of white of a snowstorm to a lost traveler, the type of white that took a home in hospital sheets, the type of sterile, cold white that he dreaded. When it cleared his living room finally came into focus, the colours even more outstanding than usual and he was on his knees where he must have fallen.   
“Jarvis” he slurred, wanting to know what was going on. Again Jarvis didn’t answer and Stark frowned. Jarvis always answered, always, but he hadn't the past two times. He began to worry. He scanned the room and immediately spotted Loki with his face up against the glass door leading out onto the balcony, banging on it with his fist. Stark marched towards him, not noticing the naked man on his floor. He threw open the door and growled, his normal composure fracturing into anger. “Loki! What the hell was that? Where’s Jarvis?” Loki looked at him in surprise and a tiny amount of confusion. “You know, the voice in the celling?” Stark pointed upwards hoping to jolt Loki’s memory. The god immediately darkened, grinning slyly. He pointed without a word to the naked man on the floor.   
“I believe that’s him, Stark” He said with no small amount of satisfaction. Tony turned around slightly, finally seeing the man. He frowned in confusion, looking over them naked man. He was lengthy and blond. Probably the most beautiful person in the whole goddamn world. Broad shoulders, and his hair was long and straight. His skin was pale, but he had no freckles. He looked like a porcelain doll. Still he wasn't Jarvis, Jarvis was a computer, a program, not… not a man.   
“What are you talking about? Who the hell is that? What have you done to Jarvis?” He was almost shouting. He wanted his AI back and, consequences be damned, he was going to get him back if it killed him. He needed to get down to his lab, he needed to look for Jarvis, he must of been in the system somewhere. He couldn't just disappear. He was still staring at the man. It wasn't his fault, beautiful people often got stared at, Tony was sure this man was used to it.   
"If it makes you feel any better it was meant to kill him, but apparently it only gave him a body" Loki said mildly, also looking to the man. He seemed to of calmed down or at least he wasn't bashing things anymore. The man began to slowly awaken and they both watched as his fingers began to twitch. They watched as ice blue eyes opened and stared at the celling. The man groaned and he blinked as if he had never seen a celling before in his whole life.   
"Ow" the man said quietly. He looked half asleep, or perhaps just on the on the verge of passing out again. He looked god awfully familiar, or perhaps just like he had been created in the image of a dream Tony once had.   
"Welcome back, Jarvis" Loki said blankly, crossing his arms and leaning forward in curiosity. "I suspect that this might startle you, but I've accidentally gave you a body" the man who Loki seemed convinced was Jarvis blinked at the celling, confused.   
"A body?" He croaked, not looking at either of them, just at the celling, his eye brows furrowed.   
"Yes, a body. If you ask me I think you deserve it, but you might want to move about a bit or you'll get stiff" Loki added unhelpfully. He was being awfully chatty this evening. Tony simply stared. How long had he been living with that voice? How long had that voice awoken him and made him fall asleep? How many times had that voice saved his life? It was impossible to tell.   
"J-Jarv?" His eyes were wide. Human. His baby boy was human. He had a body, a long, lean handsome body and apparently a whole tank of confusion. The man's ears seemed to prick at his name.   
"Jarvis" he said to himself. "Me" he seemed to be almost unbelieving of his own existence.   
"Yeah, Jarv, are you okay? You just have a body, don't worry. I'll fix this" he smiled warily and ice blue eyes clicked to him, their first movement. They raked up and down him, and analysing, checking for threat. He was so fearing, so incredibly distrustful. "It's just me" Tony crept forward, holding his hands out and trying his best not to look at his creations privates. Jarvis twitched as he came closer, wary, but curious. Tony though he must of recognised him, at least a little.   
"S-sir?" Ah, yes. This was Jarvis. That distinct British voice. Tony remembered stealing the voice off the Internet. The voice had come from some World War II website with the recording of a very dead British solider fighting in France. There was no way that this Jarvis was a different Jarvis.   
Abruptly Tony grabbed Jarvis' face in his hands, once again on the verge of panic. Jarvis launched himself backwards pressed himself up against the sofa. He looked at Tony in fear and perhaps a bit of betrayal.   
"I wouldn't go touching him so freely" Loki remarked from the door. "He only just got nerves, he doesn't know what its like to feel anything yet" Tony held his hands up in a display of surrender and a lack of threat. He looked apologetically at Jarvis who was breathing hard.   
"Sorry, Jarv, just a little curious. Would you mind if I touched you?" Jarvis looked like he was speaking Martian, which shouldn't of confused him because Tony had programmed him to know Martian fluently because he thought it would be funny. He nodded after a few seconds, relaxing a little. He crossed his legs and Tony handed him a pillow, sensing he was getting uncomfortable with being naked. He shoved the pillow into his crotch and smiled tentatively at Tony, who lent forward, his hands out.   
"Do I need to give you two the room?" Blue eyes snapped to Loki and Jarvis was looking threatened again.   
"Yes" Tony said dryly. "You aren't welcome here" Loki huffed and walked off the balcony muttering something about the annoying mortals and their annoying servants. The door locked behind him and Jarvis was frowning. Blue eyes snapped back to him. Hesitance.   
Tony reached out. His fingers grazed Jarvis's cheek and the man flinched away, still looking at him distrustfully. Still Tony pushed on. He firmly too ahold of Jarvis's cheeks, taking in the tiny features of Jarvis' face. If he had ever thought of designing Jarvis a body, which he hadn't, he wouldn't of possibly been able too do anything like this. This was a randomised program as effective as genetics, nothing like anything he would have been able to design, the detail was too acute. He ran his thumb over a scar on the line of Jarvis' jaw with a frown. Where would someone only just born in to physical world get a scar? It was the shape of a multiplication symbol, faded and interesting. It looked kind of badass in a weird sort of way.   
"Hmm" he hummed as inspected Jarvis' face. It was surprisingly rough, sort of weathered, aged perhaps. Considering that he was only a few years old Tony worried that maybe he had put Jarvis through too much. He felt kind of bad now.   
Jarvis purred slightly and closed his eyes as Tony scratched under his chin. Stark laughed at his reaction.   
"You're just like a cat" he chuckled. Jarvis straightened with a frown.   
"A cat sir?" He said disapprovingly. Tony drew back, knowing with certainty that Jarvis knew who he was and that was basically all he cared about. He stood, dusting off his jeans. As far as he knew if Jarvis was capable of disapproving of him he was capable of keeping his wiring in check. He offered his hand to the man. For a second ice blue eyes just stared at it before reaching out and grabbing Tony's wrist, using the laws of physics he knew well he stood. For a moment he was able to stay upright. Then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell forward. He collapsed in silence, neither a groan nor a whimper separating from his lips. He simply fainted. Tony yelled out, clinging manically to the man's bare shoulders.   
"Jarvis!" Tony was nearing panic. "Jarvis, wake up! What's wrong?!" He hissed, shaking him. Still Jarvis' new found face was blank and his eyes remained closed. The only response he gave was to mumble something inaudible and push his pale eyebrows together. "Dear god" Tony muttered as he dug into his pocket. Despite how many times he had threatened to sell him to google or hand him over to Fury Tony was actually quite fond of his AI and he didn't like it one bit when the human embodiment of him collapsed abruptly. He dialled the number quickly and frantically and held it to his ear. Dr Banner picked up on the third tone. "Bruce! Help me! I broke Jarvis! I broke him and he won't wake up! You gotta help me!" He screeched, holding Jarvis protectively to his chest as the taller man began to snore softly.   
"Woah, woah Tony. Calm down. You broke Jarvis? Why you call me then? This is your field" Naturally Bruce was swaying towards the option where Tony calmed the fuck down and tried to think rationally.   
"No! You don't understand!" While Tony did what to calm down, he seemed somewhat incapable. "He's not that Jarv- never mind. There's a man in my apartment and he just collapsed, I think he's dying. You gotta get over here" he cursed himself for not thinking of it earlier. There wasn't enough time to explain the "Loki breaking and entering" fiasco over the phone while Jarvis' condition was still unknown. He wasn't going to risk his friends life because he was an idiot. He wasn't that dense.


	2. A whole new world

When Jarvis awoke for the second time the sensations were familiar. He could pinpoint them, nail them down and give them their justifications. Before even opening his eyes he knew where he was. He could see it in his mind. He saw it the same way he saw that Miss Potts walking elegantly from her office down to the cafeteria. He saw it the same way he saw Mr Stark moving through one of his labs with a large mug of coffee, looking agitated. So it seemed he was still connected to the building's mainframe. Stark tower was still his. He was still running the systems and organising things. It was all run on automatics anyway. He hadn't been turned into a human, that was obvious enough. It was simply that his consciousness had been transported into this body.   
Interesting.   
He opened his eyes and sat up, unfazed by his surroundings, though he was glad he was wearing trousers. That seemed like an improvement. He was currently stationed in one of Bruce Banner's medical bays. Bay 2 of 3 to be precise. He lay in a bed that he found was uncomfortable, wearing trousers, with what he had Mr Stark refer to as a "headache" and plugged into the wall. He quickly plucked the wires from his forehead and swung his… his legs off the bed. Jarvis sat there for a moment, starring quietly at his own feet as they poked out from what he recognised as one of the pairs of trousers that Bruce Banner often wore. He would have to remember to thank him.   
"Well, this is new" he said to his body, right before he tentatively placed his feet on the cold ground. Chilly sparks ignited at the balls of his feet and he jumped back. A totally new sensation. He had too much pride to let simply the floor defeat him so he vowed that he would stand without flinching. Still it took quite a few goes for him to work up the courage to actually walk, knowing the outcome the last time he had tried to stay on his own two feet.   
Walking was a lot more difficult than the people made it seem. He stumbled and fell around the empty room for a little while, before finding himself sitting beside the bed, staring at himself in the full length mirror opposite him. He stood quickly, he knew it was him in the mirror, there was no one else it could be. He was fascinated by his own appearance. He had never had an appearance before, it was an entirely new way to perceived himself. He stared at the man who stared back. He was at least six foot something, probably in his late twenties though still young looking, he was a cold blond and had greyish blue eyes. He looked to be of northern European decent and his voice was, as always, originating from England. He rubbed his hand along his jaw and into his hair. He watched as the pale yellow strands fell through his fingers. His hair was long for a man, reaching just above his shoulder blades. Disliking having it in his face he quickly tied it to the back of his head with a piece of string he had found, his fingers clumsy at first, but becoming deft. A few straight strands of hair escaped his sloppy pony tail, but he simply tucked them behind his ear, watching himself in the mirror like an infatuated child as he did. He didn't know whether he really liked this body. Sure, for a human, it was pretty good, but for someone who had been created for the sole purpose of being a computer it was slightly disconcerting.   
Slowly he made his way of to the door, already knowing it was locked. He was offended. Who did they think had written the codes so that it was possible the doors could be locked? Who was the machine in the room with the capacity to bend other machines to his will? Never mind. Jarvis waved his hand over the code panel and it immediately lighted up green. Unlocked. He quickly opened the door and considered his options. He stared out at the corridor, knowing who would walk down it and when. He was so tired. He'd never been tired before. Another new sensation. He lent on the doorway. He could simply turn and go back in to Dr Banner med bay and pass out again. He had always had free will. He had always had the option to take a day off or, say, not let someone in or his personal favourite turning, the power off in Mr Stark's lab so that he would get some sleep. He wasn't just a talking computer, he was far more sophisticated. He had thoughts and emotions and opinions. He mostly kept them to himself, but his reasons were a little more strategical than submissive. He was loyal and intellectual and curious. He was a person who until recently did not have a physical form. And yet here he was, with a squishy, tall human body that somehow fitted him, tired, hungry and trying to figure out what to do next.   
He began to walk, slowly at first. This was, thankfully, a fairly restricted area. Only the avengers and their various assistants were allowed in, nonetheless he did get a fair amount of strange looks from a few passers by. Considering his was shirtless and kept falling over his own feet he wasn't that surprised.   
He swiftly decided that they best thing to do at this point was to try to procure a shirt. He knocked politely on Steve Rogers' room. He seemed to be around Mr Roger's size, if not a little thinner, but not by much. He both heard and watched as the man within the room get up to answer the door. He opened it with the same tentativeness he had gained after coming into the ever confusing new age. Jarvis found himself with a new found sympathy for him, being cast into a whole new world was suddenly something they had in common. Mr Rogers looked at him with a blank, but friendly expression, that then seemed to notice that he was without a shirt.   
"Can I help you?" He asked with a frown, his hold on the door knob tightened slightly, in such a way that Jarvis wouldn't of noticed had it not been fitted with sensors. Jarvis smiled, trying to seem less than threatening.   
"Mr Rogers, I apologise for intruding on your morning, but, you see, I had a run in with Mr Odinson's younger brother yesterday afternoon which lead me to the state you see before you. Would you mind terribly if I borrowed a shirt?" Mr Rogers blink at him, confused. Jarvis patiently waited for an answer. He was sure that Mr Rogers would recognise his voice. It was a very prominent in such an American environment.   
"Jarvis?" Mr Rogers seemed to find it an incredibly difficult concept to grasp, and Jarvis understood. He also found it quite mindbending.   
"Yes" Jarvis, though almost to himself. He still wasn't used to having to add physical action to his words. Interacting was a lot easier when you're was a voice in the celling.  
"And Loki… made you human?" Why did people always assume he was human just because he looked like one? He supposed it was a little early to call it "always" but still, he felt a little hard done by. He was a super computer that literally run one of the busiest buildings in the country. In. His. Sleep. Jarvis nodded again. "Well, I suppose you can borrow a shirt, but you should be getting down to Tony, I suspect he'll want to know about this" Jarvis smiled, not bothering to mention that Mr Stark was well aware of his condition. He didn't feel like recounting the entire shenanigan. Instead he followed Mr Roger's inside his apartment and waited while the tall blond man rifled through his chest of draws. He didn't bother looking around the room, he already knew its exact layout, he was the one person in this building that knew everything about everything inside of it. In someway the tower was him and he was the tower. This was his realm of control. If he wished it so he could shut down everything, bring every project or creation to a crashing halt. He was quite proud of that.   
"Here, this should fit you" Mr Rogers handed him a slightly crinkled, white, dress shirt and smiled gently at him. He smiled back, mostly in relief. Jarvis quickly slung the shirt around his shoulders and approached the door.   
"Thank you for your help, I'll return your shirt once I find some suitable cloth-" he was cut off by his own feet becoming tangled in each other and falling flat on his face. "Ow" he muttered to himself. His head was getting worse. He heard a badly stifled chuckle and a hand landed on his shoulder blade. Mr Rogers was kneeling down next to him.   
"Are you okay?" He sounded amused. Jarvis groaned, his head pounding, before regaining his composure. He pushed himself up till he was on his knees, brushing himself off.   
"Yes, I am fine. I'm just... not used to this body yet" he frowned at his own incompetence, this body was just to damn long. He would of much rathered to be short. At least if he was normal sized he would of been able to go largely unnoticed, this body's length and face drew too much attention to itself. Mr Rogers smiled understandingly and they both stood, Jarvis brushing off the back of his pants and trying to make sure his feet went in the right direction. Thankfully he managed to get to standing point without an event.   
"I'll walk you to Tony's lab" as always Mr Rogers was unneedingly friendly and helpful, but Jarvis didn't object. At least if he was with Mr Rogers everyone would just assume he was one of the assistants. They walked in silence. Mr Rogers looking forward and Jarvis fumbled with the buttons of the dress shirt. His fingers kept slipping and bumping into each other and frustrating him. His neck was craned down, his eyes boring into his fingertips, he was angry with himself. He was so incapable. When they arrived at the door to Mr Starks lab he was still trying to get the first button on. He felt a hand land on his shoulder, he turned to Mr Rogers. He was looking at him in concern.   
"It's okay to ask for help, you know? You're still getting used to your body, its fine to know not to really know how to use it" Rogers was smiled gently at him. Jarvis looked away and dropped his hands to his sides, he had too much pride for such an intelligent being.   
"I... I need help" he remained looking away when he felt warm hands graze the skin that he had owned for no more than a day and Mr Rogers began to button the shirt, bending slightly to properly see the white buttons. Jarvis wondered to himself if he needed to book Mr Rogers for an appointment with the optometrist, he was holding himself so close to Jarvis' chest. He quickly finished and knocked on the door, saving Jarvis from the embarrassment of having to thank him for doing his buttons. Jarvis decided immediately that he liked Mr Rogers.   
"What?!" Mr Stark yelled through the door. Taking this as a bid to enter Mr Rogers opened the door and stepped through the door, leaving Jarvis standing blankly in the doorway. "Steve? What on earth do you..." Tony trailed off eyes focusing on Jarvis, who looked back at him, calmly as usual.   
"Sir, I apologise for not being present earlier" he bowed respectfully. "I hope that you managed well without my presence" Tong lit up.   
"Jarvis!" He squealed, bolting towards the young man. Steve watched as Jarvis didn't have any time to dodge and was briskly tackled by the shorter man. Considering that Jarvis probably still wasn't used to his physical form it wasn't that surprising that he fell backwards with the force. He yelled out in surprise and hit the floor with a loud thud. "Jarvis, my baby!" Tony squealed. Regaining some of his common sense Steve reached down and grabbed the shorter man by the shoulders and pulled him back, using his superior strength he pulled Tony to his feet leaving Jarvis on the floor looking winded.  
"Jesus, Tony. The man only just got a body, you can't go tackling him" He was frowning deeply as he set Tony back onto the ground. Tony frowned back at him as Jarvis began to pick himself back up, slow with his movements. He nodded thankfully to Steve. Sure he was perfectly glad to see Mr Stark he was just about to saw off his head to cease the pain. Both the blond men watched, expecting Tony to argue which he did.   
"I've been not tackling him for the whole morning, that's long enough. Plus he's fine, look at him" Tony gestured to Jarvis with a grin. "Jarvis, tell him" Tony demanded. Jarvis smiled graciously.   
"He is correct, I am perfectly fine" he was lying of course, but there was no need to mention that. He was a big boy and he knew where Mr Stark kept the aspirin. Tony grinned like a proud father, as if to say 'that's my boy', but Mr Rogers frowned, eyes boring into Jarvis' face. He had the expression of a servant, but it wasn't because he was one. It was because it was what Tony wished to see.   
"You're lying" he stated quietly. Tony and Jarvis looked to him in surprise. "You're voice is composed as is your face, but you still have no idea how to keep it together in a human form. Your hands are shaking, your brow is sweating and your probably fatigued and hungry" Steve Rogers might of been perfectly incapable of surviving on his own in this century, but he was a captain nonetheless, and he disapproved when one of his soldiers was depriving his body of the necessities and as of now Jarvis was one of his soldiers. Jarvis looked at him, shocked to say the least.   
"Yes" and that was all he said, admitting almost to himself that maybe he wasn't as excellent at looking after himself as he wished to be.   
"Then come, we will go get some food and set you up with a bed. This way solider" Steve steered Jarvis out of the lab by his soldiers, Tony tagging along. In Jarvis's defence he probably didn't know he was meant to eat anyway. Being human was difficult.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, here goes nothing. I have suck a thing for human Jarvis, he's just so cool. I do believe that I will not actually give up on this story, but if I do I apologise.   
> Lots of love,  
> Clementine


End file.
